Flowers for a Ghost
by CatchMyBreath
Summary: She glanced out her window again, watching the last of the sun set behind the towering New York skyline. "I know it sounds crazy." Alex sighs, "But I want to believe that he's still out there... watching over me." She smiles at the thought. "Like my own personal guardian angel."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For Tara... 'cause I HAVE TO FIX EVERYTHING.**

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 1**

* * *

"Dear, Sean…" Alex scribbles hastily. She took one look at her messy handwriting and instantly drew a thick black line through the paper, unable to write more.

No amount of words could ever express how much she loved him or how much she missed his touch everyday. It had been almost a year now since the war was fought and won. Amanda was no longer a threat, the shop was extinguished and the memorials were in place... all except one. Alex frowned, thinking back... The world was beginning to shine again, but somewhere deep, buried under the rumble of Division laid a token she could never get back: her heart.

"I'm sorry, Sean." Alex whispers quietly to herself. She had given him everything, laid it all out on the line at the last minute, but there were still moments of regret.

From the heavens, a bright light cracked through her curtains, shinning a radiant warmth upon her skin. Alex smiled and glanced out her window, picturing a vision of Sean seated outside on her fire escape. She watched him with a gleaming eye as he motioned for her to join him, ravel at the sky and share this last sunset together.

Despite his appearance, Alex shook her head and gazed at his magnificent form. "This isn't right." Alex tells him, conflicted. She carefully climbed out the window and sat down next to him, trying her best to avoid his gaze. "I can't keep meeting you here..."

_Sean smirked at her, his smug expression always drawing her attention. "If you really believed that, you wouldn't be thinking about me."_

"I'll always be thinking about you." Alex admits. She cracked him a smile and glanced in his direction, wishing he was real. "But this doesn't make it right..." She sighs. "If they knew I was still talking to you, they'd think I was crazy."

_"Who cares?" Sean argues_._ "You never cared what people thought about you anyway." He winks._

"That's true." Alex smirks. She shook her head fondly at the memories and gazed at the sky, embracing all the rays of the sun. "You always knew me so well, didn't you?" Alex smiles.

_"Not always." Sean admits._

Alex frowned, feeling another moment of regret. "It's not fair..." She whispers sadly. She turned to glance at Sean, her eyes squinting in the lowering sunlight. "We were supposed to have more time..."

_"Life isn't fair." Sean replies matter-of-factly._

"Says you." Alex rolls her eyes. She always hated that phrase, even though it was true.

Sean smirked at her, knowing he was right. He was always right, and she was stubborn. She didn't want to accept the facts, or let him go...

After awhile Alex sighed and turned to face Sean again, a serious look in her eyes. "I miss you..." She says sadly.

_"Why?" Sean questions. "I'm not going anywhere."_

She sighed again, not wanting to admit this, but she could no longer hide the truth from him, not after everything they've been through. "Sometimes I can't see you anymore." Alex says, frowning. "And it scares me because I think I'm forgetting about you."

_"That's good." Sean replies. He appreciated her honesty. "Means, you don't need me."_

"But I do." Alex argues. She looked him directly in the eyes, almost pleading with him now. "I need you."

_"No, you don't." Sean retorts. "You've never needed me, or anyone..." He frowns. "But that doesn't mean you should live your life alone." He says glancing toward the street. "And I wouldn't want you to."_

Alex followed his gaze, catching the sight of a silver KIA pulling up to her apartment building. "Come with me." She says hopefully. "You don't have to be alone either."

_"You know I can't." Sean frowns. "But they can..."_

Alex narrowed her eyes at the sound of a car door slamming below her. She briefly looked toward her front door and shook her head defiantly as a giant gust of wind blew in her hair; always having to be the stubborn one.

They were running out of time. Alex knew any minute now a knock would follow but she didn't care, she stopped caring for a lot of things after he died...

"I don't care about them..." Alex tries to argue. "I care about you!" She exclaims, looking back at him but he was gone. "Sean?" Alex looks around confused. Her eyes grew wide, there was no response. "Sean!" Alex screams.

She watched him disappear again with all his good intentions, leaving her with half of his heart, and a hole in hers.

Another strong gust of wind blew against her skin. She shuddered, panicking as she called out his name in agony. "Sean!" Alex cries. She stood up on her fire escape and leaned against the thick railing, calling his name again. "Don't go..." Alex whispers sadly.

She desperately waited for a sign from him, but there was none. All she could hear were the sounds of the bustling city below her, followed by the annoying sound of her name...

"Alex?" Nikita's voice called her. She knocked on the door, patiently waiting for Alex's answer. "Are you ready to go?"

Alex glanced toward her door in frustration, wishing for once Nikita wouldn't be on time. "Ugh." She groans. She glanced back to the spot she had imagined Sean sitting in and frowned at the empty sight. "No." Alex mumbles to herself as another cold gust of wind blew in her hair. She shivered, no longer feeling Sean's warm presence. "Why did you have to go?" Alex cries, she never wanted to leave his side.

After another moment of silence, Nikita called out Alex's name again. She was starting to get worried. "Alex? Are you home? I thought I told you we were coming to pick you up... Alex? Don't make me kick down this door, you know I can." Nikita smirks.

"Dammit, Nikita. HOLD ON!" Alex shouts through her window. "I'm coming!"

"Okay, gezz you don't need to yell at me." Nikita retorts.

Alex sighed and carefully climbed through her window, she made her way toward the front door and greeted her friend, "I know, I'm sorry..."

Nikita frowned at her friend, not liking her attitude. "What happened to you?" She asks. "You look like you were in a tornado."

"I was just outside..." Alex replies as Nikita attempts to fix her tousled hair. "So I didn't hear you the first time."

"On the fire escape?" Nikita asks. Alex shrugged and walked away from her friend, heading toward her bedroom to grab a coat. "Alex..." Nikita frowns. She followed her friend into the room and stopped to block her path. "It's been too long."

"What are you talking about?" Alex plays dumb. "I just wanted to get some fresh air."

"Alex, you and I both know the fire escape is your special hiding spot." Nikita glares at her. "You only go there when something is wrong... Now tell me, what's wrong?"

"You wanna know what's wrong?" Alex laughs. She disappeared into her closet and emerged with a pile of coats. "I have enough clothes to probably clothe every single starving kid in this city, yet I can't decide which one to wear to this stupid thing tonight."

"It's not a stupid thing..." Nikita retorts. "You're getting an award for all your hard work with the UN. You should be proud of yourself. I know I am." Nikita smiles. She picked up a simple black coat from the pile of clothes Alex had thrown on top of her bed and handed it to her friend. "How 'bout this one?"

"Wait, no!" Alex grabbed it immediately and hugged the fabric close to her.

"Okay... now I know something is definitely wrong." Nikita glares at her. She took a step around the bed and gently took the jacket away from Alex's hands. "Talk to me Alex."

"You're going to think I'm crazy..." Alex tries to avoid the question, but Nikita crossed her arms and stayed put, pestering her friend further.

"Alex..." Nikita frowns. She flipped the jacket over in her hands and inspected the tag on the inside. "Is this-"

"Nikita, please..." Alex begs her to drop the subject.

"Sean's?" Nikita asks. Alex nodded sadly and sat down on her bed, on the verge of tears. "Oh Alex," Nikita feels guilty. She walked over to her friend and sat down on the bed next to Alex, trying her best to comfort the young girl. "It's okay to talk about him."

"No, I know..." Alex shakes away her stubborn tears. She sighed, knowing she could never hide things from Nikita.

"What is it?" Nikita asks, concerned.

Alex gave her a look then suddenly stood up, making her way toward the windows in her living room. "I saw him..." Alex finally admits. She stood in front of the windows, eyeing the metal railings on her fire escape and sighed. "Nikita, he was sitting right there." She says, pointing toward a cold shadow cast upon her red brick walls. "Next to me... and for a moment, I believed everything was perfect..." She frowns. "And then, just like that... he was gone..."

Nikita walked up behind Alex, wishing she could trade places with the girl. Alex sighed and turned to face Nikita, a single tear running down her cheek. "That jacket is the only reminder I have left of him..."

Nikita didn't know what to say to Alex. She knew anything she could say Alex would just throw it back in her face and continue to wallow away, always the stubborn one. So instead, Nikita sighed, backing away to give her friend a little space.

Alex appreciated it. She glanced out her window again, watching the last of the sun set behind the towering New York skyline. "I know it sounds crazy." Alex sighs, "But I want to believe that he's still out there... watching over me." She smiles at the thought. "Like my own personal guardian angel."

"I don't think its crazy at all." Nikita smiles at her friend. Alex looked at her confused, waiting for a better explanation. "You know, in the beginning, I used to see Daniel too." Nikita admits.

Alex looked at her surprised. "Really?" She asks.

Nikita nodded. "And sometimes I still see Ryan."

Alex smiled, taking in that thought. After a moment of silence she turned to stare out her window again, fixing her eyes on a small American flag waving in the distance. The sight of it reminding her of everything Sean stood for.

After another moment, Nikita looked at her watch. She hated having to break Alex away from her thoughts but it was getting late, and if they didn't leave soon, they'd be late for her awards ceremony.

"Alex..." Nikita begins to say. "It's getting late." She places Sean's jacket on a chair next to Alex and walked toward the door. "We should go, Michael is waiting for us downstairs."

"Can I have one more minute?" Alex asks. She gave Nikita a look, pleading for more time. "I'll meet you downstairs… I just need to grab one last thing before we go."

"Okay." Nikita gives her a smile, "I'll see you soon." On that note, Nikita quietly slips through the door, giving Alex a moment alone.

After Nikita left, Alex returned her gaze toward the windows in her living room. She took a step forward, poking her head out into the fire escape. "Sean?" She calls out. "Are you there?" No response. Alex sighed and closed her window, knowing it was wishful thinking he would appear whenever she wanted him to.

Time was slowly ticking by again, Alex knew it was time to go. She took a deep breath and picked up Sean's coat off the chair Nikita had laid it on, hugging it close to her body. She could almost feel his warmth again, along with his scent. With a heavy heart, Alex dragged her feet toward the door. She passed by the note she had hastily scribbled Sean's name on top of and picked it up.

"Dear Sean..." Alex reads. She opened her door and turned around, whispering into her loft, "If you change your mind... I'll be waiting for you, forever and always."

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**A/N: Tell me the truth, did you cry? If so... GOOD! My sole intention for this story is to rip your hearts out, because Sean Pierce deserves some mourning... Rest in peace, boy scout.**

**Continue? Of course... that shouldn't be a question. I write too much for this to be a one shot. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 2**

* * *

Nikita was patiently waiting for Alex downstairs when the girl finally returned. "Hey." She smiles, instantly spotting the jacket Alex was wearing. "You got everything you need?" She asks.

Alex nodded. She clutched her secret note inside of Sean's heavy jacket and headed toward Michael's waiting car. Sam stood before her, opening the rear seat's door. She was surprised to see him.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks him.

"What do you think?" Sam replies.

Alex gave him a look, slightly annoyed he never listened to her. "I hired you to be my bodyguard..." She glares at him, "At the arena." She emphasizes. "Not my chauffeur."

"That's what I'm doing." Sam argues. "I stationed two men at the arena. I'm here to provide on-sight protection."

"Two men?" Alex looks toward Michael who shrugs. "Is that really necessary? It's a Human Right's convention. They don't get that rowdy."

"I'm just doing my job." Sam smirks. Alex rolls her eyes and steps into the car, not bothering to argue with him. "What?" Sam catches Michael's amused look. "She always does this to me... you say you want protection, you're gonna get protection."

Nikita laughed and stepped up to Sam. "You're doing fine." She tells him. "Just try not to overcrowd her."

"Okay, next stop, convention center." Michael smiles as he settles himself into the driver's seat.

Sam climbed in next to him on the passenger side while Nikita buckles herself into the backseat with Alex. She caught her friend briefly staring out her window and called her attention. "Hey." Nikita gently places a hand on top of Alex's. "You okay?" She asks.

Alex tore her gaze away from her skewed view of her fire escape and nodded. "Yeah." She convinces herself. "I just can't wait to get this thing over with."

* * *

Fifteen minutes before her scheduled appearance, Alex finally arrived at the convention center. A horde of spectators instantly surrounded her car, making it difficult for Michael to maneuver around them.

"This is why I wanted to come earlier." He complains, looking back at Alex. "Sorry."

"It's alright." Alex replies. She glanced out her window and frowned. She couldn't believe all these people were here because of her. It didn't seem right. Alex sighed. "I guess I'll be fashionably late." She shrugs, still not used to this fame.

"Okay, that won't matter if we can't get past these animals." Sam frowns. He steps out the car and opens the door for Alex. "Come on," He says. "Stay close. I don't want them to rip you to shreds."

"I got it." Alex pushes him slightly away. "Just tell them to back off."

Sam glanced at Nikita who gave him a knowing look. "You heard the girl." Nikita announces to the crowd. "Make some room!" She shouts. "Alexandra needs to get through!"

"Thanks Nikita." Alex smiles as she quickly follows Michael's lead into the convention center.

After Alex was out of sight Nikita turned to face Sam. "I was just trying to do my job." He frowns.

"I know." Nikita replies. She grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, just inside of the doorway. "Listen, tonight is a big night for Alex. No time for any of your crude jokes okay?"

"What makes tonight any different?" Sam frowns. "She's been on edge all week, I can't even get close to her."

"She's just going through a lot..." Nikita glances in Alex's direction. She could see her friend being crowded by reporters and officials, hounding her with endless press coverage. Nikita frowned and caught Sam's confused look, he was waiting for more details. "Do you know what day it is today?" Nikita asks.

Sam took a moment to think. He glanced at Alex. She looked so small, carrying an array of freshly cut flowers. However, the amount of beauty in one place was not enough to shadow the expression of her face. She was trying to convey a strong shell, but Sam could tell by her eyes how much she wanted to drop everything and return home... return home to a place she once shared with Sean.

"Oh." Sam realizes. This was the moment he finally understood why this particular day was so different than others...

"I know it's only been a year." Nikita tells him, "But be patient with her... Sean meant the world to her."

* * *

Backstage at the convention center, Alex hovered by the thick curtains, peeking her eyes into the large crowd. She whispered Sean's name adamantly, wishing if she could just try hard enough, she might be able to spot him somewhere in the crowd. But no matter how hard she wished, she knew it was only just a dream.

Alex sighed and closed her eyes. She could almost picture him now, mocking her from above. Teasing her about how stubborn she could be... but he was stubborn too. Ridiculously stubborn, to a point where she loved to hate him.

She wished she could see him, standing behind her, a rosy hue and a vision in white. A perfect dream in a black suit and tie, simple and elegant. Poised with a smirk and a whisper on his lips.

She could almost imagine him, the way he would never let her out of his sight... unless it was to prove a point.

Alex shook her head at the thought. She could picture his smug expression, his chocolate brown eyes; the way he gazed into her soul. It always made her smile even when she didn't even know she was... but around him, he always had a way of cracking her.

She could picture all the little things about him. Every little thing that made her love him. If only he knew... Alex sighed. She wished she could tell him. She tried to tell him, but in the end...

_"You don't need me." _Sean's voice echoed through her head. _"You've never needed me... or anyone..."_

Alex frowned, hating herself for the way things ended between them; but his words were true. She didn't need anyone... not now and not ever. No matter how many times people had to remind her: she didn't have to be alone... Alex knew that. She knew she didn't _have_ to be alone. The difference was she was perfectly fine being alone... content even; because in her silence, his appearance would reward her.

She would give anything to see his beautiful face one last time, if only she could turn back time...

"They're almost ready for you." Michael suddenly announces, walking up to her. His voice made her jump. Alex turned around, surprised to see him. Her face flushed red, embarrassed for her unlikely reaction.

"Michael!" Alex exclaims. She reached for her heart, feeling it beat faster from all the pressure she was under. "Gosh! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She shouts.

It wasn't like Alex to be so unprepared, usually her senses were more intact. Michael knew on any other day she could hear his footsteps from a mile away, but tonight was different. Michael looked at her worried, sensing something was wrong. "You okay?" He asks, cautiously. He knew what day it was but he didn't want to offend her... "You look nervous."

Alex sighed, trying her best to show Michael he didn't need to worry about her; she was tired of everyone worrying about her. But after so many years, she could never really mask herself in front of him. She had to admit to him, "I don't think I can do this."

"Why?" Michael asks. "You've spoken in front of crowds before. They all love you."

Alex gave him a small smile, grateful for his support; but she couldn't hold his powerful gaze... The crowd was calling her, anxious for her famous alter ego. She had so much support; from family, friends... unknowns around the whole world, but somehow she still felt like falling.

The world may love Alexandra Udinov, but her heart only belonged to Sean. The thought of him instantly made her turn away from Michael. "That was different..." Alex frowns. She tried to contain her emotions, looking out into the crowd. She didn't want to admit the difference was Sean.

All those times, he was there. Behind cameras, always looking out for her. She missed him so much, she felt like her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces again. "It's not the same..." Alex tearfully whispers. She wished it could be but Sean was right. _Life isn't fair._

Michael watched her with a heavy heart. He wished he could comfort her somehow, but he knew, just like Nikita, nothing they could say would make Alex change her mind.

"It's never going to be the same..." Alex frowns. She sighed and reached across from her, lifting up her bouquet of flowers. "And I guess I accept that."

"Alex..." Michael looks at her sadly. He tried to speak but she quickly cut him off.

"I can't do this... I can't go out there... alone..." Alex frowns. "I'm sorry." She clutched her flowers close to her and turns away slightly. "Excuse me."

"Wait, Alex!" Michael grabs her arm. "Where are you going?"

Alex shook her head and forced herself to look at Michael. "I'm sorry... I think I forgot something... in the car..."

"You can't leave." Michael argues. "Everyone is here to support you."

"Not everyone..." Alex frowns. She held back her tears and pulled away from Michael, backing up toward an exit door. "Tell Nikita I'm sorry, I just need a minute... don't worry about me..." Alex fakes a smile. "I'll be back."

"Alex. Alex!" Michael shouts after her, but she quickly ran off. "You're not alone..." He sighs, wishing she would stop running.

* * *

**A/N: Oh no! Where did Alex go? :(**


	3. Chapter 3

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 3**

* * *

Behind the convention center, in a small dimly lit alley way, a soft whimper could be heard. She didn't mean to run, but it was the only thing left she knew how to do. It gave her a sense of comfort. In the littlest way possible, a momentarily escape from the harsh reality of knowing the truth. She still couldn't accept the truth. It seemed too cruel, impossible... like a drug.

She used to think that the worse day of loving someone was the day you lose them, but that couldn't be more wrong. The worse day has been every day since he passed. Alex frowned, shaking her head as she slowed down, just long enough to catch her breath. She was hovering by the door, hugging the warmth from Sean's thick coat.

Her breathing was shallow in the night, desperate and aching for more warmth. "In and out..." Alex breathed. She tried to calm herself down as she leaned against the rusty exit door. "Just breathe, Alex. You can do this, it's only a few... hundred people..." She tries to convince herself. But the thought of going back in there alone scared her. She didn't know why. After all this time, after everything she had to put up with since... she should be used to being alone by now. That fact didn't bother her so much.

Why couldn't they just understand? Nikita and Michael, they were perfect, married. Living a life Alex had only dreamed about. She wanted what they had, she thought it was worth fighting for but in the end it seemed like she was never meant to have that sort of life if she couldn't have it with Sean.

She began to tug on his jacket, wishing he was here to hold her. The endless thoughts of what could have been surrounded her. With so much regret, Alex shook her head, fighting back her tears as she glanced up toward the moon. He had promised her he would always be here for her... She never had to ask because, without a doubt, when she'd least expected it, he never let her down.

But now she was screaming for him. "Sean, please!" Alex begs. She called out his name in agony, clutching onto her heart as she slowly sank down to the ground in pain. "Why aren't you here!?" She screams. "You promised me you would be here!"

Her desperate calls bounced off the empty walls of the ally, hitting her heart with a new gut wrenching sense of sorrow. "Of all the times I didn't ask for you..." Alex frowns. "But it didn't matter because you were here…" She smiles fondly. "You were always here... guiding me, guarding me, protecting me from myself." She frowns.

"Sean? Can you hear me?" Alex whispers into the sky. "I'm asking now... can you hear me? I want you here... So please, please be here!"

She waited an agonizing long minute, counting down each second in pure pain. She closed her eyes, about to give up all her hopes when a voice called for her.

_"I'm here." He speaks softly beside her._

"Sean." Alex breathed, her eyes still closed.

_"Hey, Angel." Sean smiles._ His voice so heavenly, she knew it wasn't real.

He was so close to her, yet just out of her reach. "Sean..." Alex whispers to him. She never wanted to open her eyes. She could almost see him now, just a shadow beneath her eyelids. "You came." She smiles.

_"Open your eyes." He replies._

"No." Alex shakes her head. "I can't." If she did, he would disappear.

_"I want to see your eyes." He begs._

"But I can't see yours." She argues.

It wasn't fair. She couldn't have it both ways. _"Alex..." Sean frowns._

"I'm sorry." Alex cries. She shook her head again. So stubborn, refusing to show him her bright blue eyes.

_"If I can't see you, I have to go." Sean says._

"No! No, please." Alex begs. "Stay with me."

_"Alex..."_

"Please!" She cries. "Sean, I don't want to lose you again." She panicked for a moment, thinking he'd disappear again.

_"You're not losing me." He argues._

"But I am!" Alex shouts, desperately. She shook her head harder, still refusing to show him her eyes. "Every day, little by little, it's getting harder to remember... you and what we had." She frowns. "I loved you Sean." She finally admits to him. "I'll never stop loving you, for as long as I live. You're all that I have left."

_"I know, I've always known." He smiles. "But now it's time to let go."_

"What if I don't want to let go?" Alex argues.

_Sean sighed. "What are you so afraid of?"_

"Forgetting you... and us."

_"You can't erase who we were, or what we had..."_

"I know..." Alex frowns. "I know that, deep down, everyone says that but it's not the same Sean. It's not the same without you here, I want you to really be here!" She cries.

_"When you love someone, they'll always be apart of you." Sean tries to comfort her. "Forever, attached to an invisible thread. Spinning, dangling, no matter how far away, nothing will ever break this bond." He looks toward her, willing her to look back at him. "I love you too, Alex. I'll always be here for you, but I need you to be here too... not just part of you. I need you to start living again, Alex. For the both of us." Sean smiles. "__Please, open your eyes."_

"If I open my eyes, will you promise me something?" Alex asks.

_"Anything."_

"You'll wait for me?"

_"Forever and always." Sean smiles. __He stands up and offers her his hand. "It's time." He tells her. "Michael and Nikita are waiting for you too."_

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Taking his hand, she lifted herself off the ground and faced the door, hesitating for a brief moment. She looked back at him, taking in his memory.

_"What are you doing?" Sean asks._

"Remembering this..." Alex smiles.

Everyone copes differently, she thought. Some cry for the loss of a loved one. Others smile because they know they'll see them again. "_Maybe I'm one of those people_." She smirks.

_"Go ahead." Sean whispers. "I'll be right here beside you." He encourages her. "Never forget that."_

"I won't." She smiles at him. "I'll see you on the other side."

* * *

**A/N: Short chapter because honestly, how many more tears can you shed if I kept writing? Continue? Please review.**


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